I've been going through it the last few weeks. Just down and out and I don't know where to turn to or how to react. I hate to say it, but Katy Perry really nailed it when she spoke about a plastic bag drifting in the wind...
I feel as though I'm out to sea, and there is nothing around me but the vast blue ocean, and I'm sitting and waiting. Waiting to be rescued, waiting to be eaten by a shark, waiting for the wind to pick up and blow my sails in the right direction... I've lost all control and am finding it hard to point myself down any type of path, good or bad.
Life in New York City is hard. Would I change that last 5 years of my life and go back to simpler time living in the small, yet booming town of Branson, Missouri? No. I wouldn't trade my experience and life here for the world. Sometimes I want to go back in time and reevaluate my life choices, but that's what this so called life is. It's making choices, sticking to your decisions whether they help or hurt you, learning from your mistakes and picking yourself up and moving forward.
That's the funny thing though. I can say and type those words just fine, but I'm not at a point to where I can actually live them. I'm stuck. I know what is right and wrong and how I need to change my course for my own well-being, but I can't take that first step. Hmmm. This blog is named "The Next Step". Why can't I heed my own advice. Change is the only thing that's constant. I need time to change, but I don't have time to give. It's not that I'm too busy and/or don't technically have enough of it, but I don't want to give it. I'd rather sit at home and watch Netflix. How depressing. That's the journey I've chosen for myself. And a sad one at that. I live in the greatest city in the world and yet I'm doing nothing to enjoy it.
I don't see myself staying here forever, but I don't want to look back and regret all the times I sat at home when I could've been out experiencing everything that this place has to offer. Yes, I hear myself, I just have zero motivation.
I need a light to find my path. I need a push in the right direction. I need clarity and wisdom and faith that everything will be alright. I need strength to take that next step...
Monday, January 18, 2016
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
It's been quite some time since I've posted. Please accept my apologies. There has been a lot going on and taking the time to sit down and write has simply been a distant thought. Where to begin (or continue)....
I have been here in New York for about 3 1/2 years now. I live in the same amazing apartment in Park Slope, Brooklyn and hope I never have to move out. Greg and I are still roommates and we are about to get a new girl who will be moving in next week. Her name is Lorena and she's an acting student originally from Mexico City.
When Greg and I moved in, we were renting the back half of the 3rd floor that had 2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom. After our first lease (can you believe we've signed 4 so far!) the landlord said that he was going to tear down the wall between the front and back apartments and make it one large full-floor apartment that has 4 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. Greg and I decided to stay and find a new person to take over one of the new bedrooms (we keep the 4th bedroom as a guest/storage room so please feel free to come and visit). Since that time, we have gone through a few different roommates. There was Doug from Boston, who worked for a beer distributor (he stayed holed up in his room the whole year), then there was Nima from Iran who seemed to have more Persian friends than I could count (he later moved in with his brother), then Stephanie from upstate (she's leaving to do an opera summer stock season back home), and now we will have Lorena and are excited for her arrival.
As far as auditions go, I've gone in for a few things this year and have had some really great callbacks. However, I haven't booked any work. But that's okay because I did my best for the callback and I just wasn't what they were looking for. Yes it's disappointing, but there's nothing I can do about it. Maybe I was too tall to play opposite of the male lead (highly unlikely since I'm only 5'2" haha).
I've been going to see shows and exploring what I can of the city. Just the other day I went shopping in Harlem! Now that summer is quickly approaching I hope to get out and enjoy the (free) things the city has to offer like parks, museums, various neighborhoods, maybe out to the beach in Long Island.
It's nice to sit here and write again. Believe me, I'm not one that can write beautiful words that are easy to read, but I try. I appreciate all of you that take the time to read my posts and give me encouragement to continue to do so. Life can feel very mundane at times, but when I write out all the things I've seen and done, my life seems pretty magical...
I have been here in New York for about 3 1/2 years now. I live in the same amazing apartment in Park Slope, Brooklyn and hope I never have to move out. Greg and I are still roommates and we are about to get a new girl who will be moving in next week. Her name is Lorena and she's an acting student originally from Mexico City.
When Greg and I moved in, we were renting the back half of the 3rd floor that had 2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom. After our first lease (can you believe we've signed 4 so far!) the landlord said that he was going to tear down the wall between the front and back apartments and make it one large full-floor apartment that has 4 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. Greg and I decided to stay and find a new person to take over one of the new bedrooms (we keep the 4th bedroom as a guest/storage room so please feel free to come and visit). Since that time, we have gone through a few different roommates. There was Doug from Boston, who worked for a beer distributor (he stayed holed up in his room the whole year), then there was Nima from Iran who seemed to have more Persian friends than I could count (he later moved in with his brother), then Stephanie from upstate (she's leaving to do an opera summer stock season back home), and now we will have Lorena and are excited for her arrival.
As far as auditions go, I've gone in for a few things this year and have had some really great callbacks. However, I haven't booked any work. But that's okay because I did my best for the callback and I just wasn't what they were looking for. Yes it's disappointing, but there's nothing I can do about it. Maybe I was too tall to play opposite of the male lead (highly unlikely since I'm only 5'2" haha).
I've been going to see shows and exploring what I can of the city. Just the other day I went shopping in Harlem! Now that summer is quickly approaching I hope to get out and enjoy the (free) things the city has to offer like parks, museums, various neighborhoods, maybe out to the beach in Long Island.
It's nice to sit here and write again. Believe me, I'm not one that can write beautiful words that are easy to read, but I try. I appreciate all of you that take the time to read my posts and give me encouragement to continue to do so. Life can feel very mundane at times, but when I write out all the things I've seen and done, my life seems pretty magical...
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Happy New Year!
The wrap up of 2012 ended rather well for me. Towards the end of October I packed up a few things and left New York to do the show "Sanders Family Christmas" in Branson, Missouri at the IMAX Entertainment Complex. I've been doing the show off and on for the last few years and when the opportunity came up for this short run, I jumped on it! It was so nice being back in Missouri and around friends and family for the holidays.
My college roommates (Karli, Megan, Rebecca, Sarah, Tamra) and I try to get together every year to have a girls weekend. This year we decided to have our reunion in Kansas City the last weekend of October. We had a blast! Megan, who has been big into walking/running lately, decided to sign us up for a 5K to fight breast cancer. Although it was a really cold Saturday morning, and I'm not a morning person, I was up and ready to run! It was my first 5K and I was so pumped about running for breast cancer that I took off towards the front and didn't stop running until the 5K was complete. I came through the finish line with the first 25 people or so. It was quite the rush! I'm glad we did it! Immediately following the 5K the girls and I headed over to the Boulevard Brewery for a beer tour! All in all, an awesome day!
Once I got to Branson, I only had a few short days to see my friend Liarra before she headed to the Dominican Republic for work. I was sad that we couldn't spend the Christmas season hanging out, but happy that she was going on an adventure! She had a farewell party right before she left and I got to meet some of the coolest people in Branson! I'm so glad that she's a social butterfly and introduced me to, what would turn out to be, some great friends.
We had rehearsal and shows at night which left my days open, therefore I filled up all my spare time doing all kinds of fun stuff because I knew my days back in Missouri were limited to two short months. I had the opportunity to go see shows, hang out with my Granny, help my sisters with their kids, go see movies with my dad, teach my new friend Rhys how to drive, etc. It was all fun! :)
I was so happy to do the show with an awesome girl named Rachael! We played sisters. Rachael was from the Sight & Sound world and introduced me to some great people from there. I'm so glad that I got to experience the "family" that the S&S people have developed because it is a circle that I long to be in and am glad that I was welcomed into that circle for a short time. They are a true blessing and I will cherish all of the brief, but fun encounters with them. Although Rachael and I only got to do the show for this one short run, I was truly blessed working with her everyday. She holds a special place in my heart. :)
As for me, I am back in New York, living life to the fullest! I haven't been back but 48 hours and have been on the go since my return. I have new headshots to start the audition season anew (thanks to Michael) and look forward to a brand new year! Thanks for taking your time to read and for your kind words, encouragement, and your patience with my scatterbrained blogs. This is a tough world we live in, but friendship and love make it better. Remember to be kind....you never know how hard someone has it.
The wrap up of 2012 ended rather well for me. Towards the end of October I packed up a few things and left New York to do the show "Sanders Family Christmas" in Branson, Missouri at the IMAX Entertainment Complex. I've been doing the show off and on for the last few years and when the opportunity came up for this short run, I jumped on it! It was so nice being back in Missouri and around friends and family for the holidays.
My college roommates (Karli, Megan, Rebecca, Sarah, Tamra) and I try to get together every year to have a girls weekend. This year we decided to have our reunion in Kansas City the last weekend of October. We had a blast! Megan, who has been big into walking/running lately, decided to sign us up for a 5K to fight breast cancer. Although it was a really cold Saturday morning, and I'm not a morning person, I was up and ready to run! It was my first 5K and I was so pumped about running for breast cancer that I took off towards the front and didn't stop running until the 5K was complete. I came through the finish line with the first 25 people or so. It was quite the rush! I'm glad we did it! Immediately following the 5K the girls and I headed over to the Boulevard Brewery for a beer tour! All in all, an awesome day!
Once I got to Branson, I only had a few short days to see my friend Liarra before she headed to the Dominican Republic for work. I was sad that we couldn't spend the Christmas season hanging out, but happy that she was going on an adventure! She had a farewell party right before she left and I got to meet some of the coolest people in Branson! I'm so glad that she's a social butterfly and introduced me to, what would turn out to be, some great friends.
We had rehearsal and shows at night which left my days open, therefore I filled up all my spare time doing all kinds of fun stuff because I knew my days back in Missouri were limited to two short months. I had the opportunity to go see shows, hang out with my Granny, help my sisters with their kids, go see movies with my dad, teach my new friend Rhys how to drive, etc. It was all fun! :)
I was so happy to do the show with an awesome girl named Rachael! We played sisters. Rachael was from the Sight & Sound world and introduced me to some great people from there. I'm so glad that I got to experience the "family" that the S&S people have developed because it is a circle that I long to be in and am glad that I was welcomed into that circle for a short time. They are a true blessing and I will cherish all of the brief, but fun encounters with them. Although Rachael and I only got to do the show for this one short run, I was truly blessed working with her everyday. She holds a special place in my heart. :)
As for me, I am back in New York, living life to the fullest! I haven't been back but 48 hours and have been on the go since my return. I have new headshots to start the audition season anew (thanks to Michael) and look forward to a brand new year! Thanks for taking your time to read and for your kind words, encouragement, and your patience with my scatterbrained blogs. This is a tough world we live in, but friendship and love make it better. Remember to be kind....you never know how hard someone has it.
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